This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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