bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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