I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
