the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
