I met the friendliest cop last night
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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