fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
