she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
