I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
