Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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