Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
