I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
