I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
