If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
