whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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