u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize