Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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