You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
