Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
