just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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