dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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