I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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