she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
