you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
