apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
