bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
