he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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