Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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