forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
