Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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