I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
