Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
