Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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