He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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