Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
