Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
