i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
