Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
