i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
