The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
