watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
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