i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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