she was so not down for the gang bang
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
