i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
