brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
