I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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