the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
