well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
