We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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