I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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