How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
