come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
