Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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