Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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