i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I AM VODKA MAN
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
