Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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