I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
