Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
May the power of my ass compel you!!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
