Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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