dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
