Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
