It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
