bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
