Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
