how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Two words: blizzard sex
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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