I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
