Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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