I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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