I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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