she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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