Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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