Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
