I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
