he puts the penis in happiness.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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