All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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