What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
