Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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