Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Pants are for mortals
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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